just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
