yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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