My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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