her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
