You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
