I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
