Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
