I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
