you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
