I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
