when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
