so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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