i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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