We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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