I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
