she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
