One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
