dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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