Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
