i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work