ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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