i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
