I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
