Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
