I'm lost and stupid without you.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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