question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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