do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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