i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
