I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
