she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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