**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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