I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
