Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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