I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
