i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
