I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
