I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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