Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
