you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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