I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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