Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
