why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
