u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
