matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
