He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
