And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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