Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
