Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
