i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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