I'm lost and stupid without you.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We need to get me chipped asap
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
