Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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