Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
