you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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