Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
