is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Another day, another engagement, another cat
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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