His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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