haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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