Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
