pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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