Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
