That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
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its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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