Tell her she can't have a vagina
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
