i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
