Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
