Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
