part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
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guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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