also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
