apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
