if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
